1. IT’S NO LONGER A COMPETITION. IT’S OKAY TO STAY IN YOUR LANE.
In the child life world, it feels like we are conditioned to compete from the minute we consider following this career path. As students, we go up against our classmates, who are often our closest friends, competing for the same experiences that are necessary to become a CCLS. But what happens when you check off the successful completion of the certification exam? What happens when you start your first job as THE child life specialist? Many of us to feel like we still must one-up our teammates, whether it is trying to see more patients in a day, overcommitting yourself to committees and projects, or going after too much professional development all at once. No one says the race is over. There’s no checkered flag that says, “welcome to the highway of child life, choose your lane and enjoy the ride as you become your best self.”
That’s what it should look like all along, but especially when you’re no longer a student. We’re all allowed to be our own CCLS, with our favorite distraction toys, our least favorite procedures to support during, and our non-clinical work that fills our cup. It’s in the act of bringing those differences together that a truly well-rounded, encouraged, and supported child life team is formed. So, whether you’re in the left express lane, cruising along in the middle, or taking this journey at a slower pace to meet your needs of being the best specialist you can be, it’s okay to be in any of those lanes at any given time. More than that, it’s okay to stay in that lane and move along with the flow of child life traffic. Don’t try to merge because you see someone else going at what feels like a faster pace. Trust yourself and stay in your lane.
3. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ADVOCATING AND EDUCATING FOR YOUR ROLE AND SELF.
Real life child life? This is harder to swallow than the number of traumas, death, broken families, and so on that we see. This is what can lead to burnout faster than experiencing compassion fatigue from the pure sadness we witness in this field. The reality is no matter how long we’re a part of a team, how long child life has been established in the hospital, how many times you bend over backwards to be there when you’re called, you will always have to explain your purpose, your role, and your benefit. It doesn’t make sense because we follow the rules, hold ourselves to professional ethical standards, and constantly think about the role and impact of each person in each room. But while we are educated and trained on focusing on the psychosocial and emotional side of medical care, our fellow multidisciplinary team members are literally trained to keep humans alive. That’s it, that’s the priority: keep them alive and safe. They may say they love child life and value us so much, but their focus is on life or death while we focus on the individual as a whole person. That’s the magical thing about child life and what makes us so good at our jobs. But that’s also the double-edged sword in the battle of having to advocate constantly. It doesn’t feel hard to us to say “IV? Okay, that equals child life.” But for a nurse it may look more like “IV? Okay, supplies, holder, get the line, start the meds, stabilize the patient, support the family, hurry up before the doctor gets mad or my other room calls out.” As exhausting and frustrating as it is to feel like we’re always giving others grace, it’s part of the reality. Just know you’re not alone in your frustrations and exhaustion, as I think I can say that we’ve all wished we wouldn’t have to explain ourselves ever again.
4. IT REALLY IS OKAY TO SAY “NO.”
5. IT’S REALLY OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP.
I want to combine 4 and 5 because they go hand in hand. You’ve heard the saying “You can do anything, but not everything,” or “You can’t be everything to everyone.” The reality is that, despite what people think, we are in fact not magic creatures. We are human beings that need to eat, go to the bathroom, take a minute to breathe and process what we just experienced, and more. There are times where we have to say no to preserve our physical and emotional well-being. There are times where we have to say no because we have the self-awareness to know that going in that room in a certain state of mind would not be in the best interest of that child. And there are times when we may have to say no, but someone else could say yes. And let me be clear, that does not and should not inflict any ounce of shame on your being. Whether it be we’re asking for help covering a procedure so we can eat lunch or we’re asking for helping to meet a patient on suicide watch because we’ve experienced that in our personal life too recently, asking for help is always an incredibly self-aware and brave act of doing the right thing, no matter how big or small it feels. The point of working within a team is to utilize each other’s role and skill sets for the betterment of the patients and families we serve.
6. THE GRASS ISN’T ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.
No matter where you go, no matter the size of the hospital or the size of the team, or the use of and value placed on child life, it will never be perfect. We as human beings are not and cannot be perfect, and while most of us are pretty good at not holding ourselves to that standard, we’re not always so good at giving others the grace we give ourselves. It’s easy to let someone else sit in the supervisor chair and say what you would do differently if you were them, but the reality is you just don’t know until you’re put in that situation. Finding ways to cope and deal with the inevitable stress and frustrations that arise requires kind of child life-ing ourselves. We must recognize that nobody will ever perform perfectly to meet everyone’s expectations and needs. But, I’m also not saying to stay in what may be a truly toxic work environment and just brush it off . You can and likely will experience examples of a negative workplace culture no matter what career you choose, and when we walk away from a situation that is doing more harm than good, that’s when we learn, and grow, and do better for others because we’re doing better for ourselves.
8. SELF-CARE REALLY IS THAT IMPORTANT, BUT IT’S MORE THAN JUST READING AT NIGHT OR EXERCISING DAILY.
Bubble baths, exercise, reading, cooking, Netflix, tattoos, dogs, goat yoga, and more. These might be the ideas that first come to mind when someone starts talking about the importance of self-care. All of these activities are great ways to practice taking care of your body, getting out whatever energy your body is experiencing, or doing things that bring you joy or peace. But what should come to mind is taking self-care beyond just the physical movement and care of our body and beyond a checklist of daily activities. Self-care can look like setting and practicing boundaries, such as leaving work on time, taking a lunch break away from your desk, filling your cup outside of your clinical role, saying no at times, and so on. There is so much more to self-care than the surface level of bubbles in a bath. Choose to dive deeper and find ways to practice self-care for your whole being, during the workday and after.
9. IT’S OKAY FOR YOUR PASSIONS AND GOALS WITHIN THE FIELD TO CHANGE OR EBB AND FLOW WITH TIME.
You may have spent your entire child life student career craving the chance to work with oncology patients or NICU siblings or patients with special needs. You may have denied ever feeling the pull to lead a team or to be a mentor or teacher. You may have let yourself only think of child life within the four walls of a hospital. Whatever it is you thought your future in child life would look like, I’m here to tell you it’s okay to change your mind, to move around to different hospitals, to try different units. Yes, some specialists do stay in the same hospital, within the same unit, working within the same patient population for their entire career, and that’s great if that’s what fills their cup. I learned for me that I could not stay in one place and do the same things for my entire career. It’s okay to want to continue growing, to try new things, to step outside your comfort zone, and even to try something and decide you don’t like it and walk away. There is no right or wrong way to be a CLS and establish longevity in this career. The only right thing you can do is to stay true to yourself, making sure you’re making choices that encourage and support the life you want to live personally and professionally.
10. CHILD LIFE IS NOT THE END ALL, BE ALL.
If you only take away one thing, let it be this statement. Yes, we are amazing humans, compassionate specialists, and kind teammates. Yes, the work we do typically produces the best outcome. But we are not the end all, be all, for two primary reasons. First, the greater good is keeping children healthy, alive, and resilient to the physical world around them. Second, we simply can’t be everything to everyone all the time. Trying to be this superhuman being is what causes us to learn all the above lessons and more. If we simply took a step back and looked at the work we do, the impact we have, the legacy we’re leaving in each of our own unique ways, we would see that it’s more than enough. Refl ecting back on ten years of child life practice, I realized how much it would have helped my personal and professional development along the way if someone had simply acknowledged the realities of being a child life specialist. So, in whatever chapter of your child life story you fi nd yourself in, I hope this has validated some of your feelings and normalizes some of your experiences. I hope this provides encouragement that you’re not alone. I hope this shows that, no matter how long you’ve been a child life specialist, it’s okay to keep learning lessons and growing into your best self.